Sunday, April 11

Too Fat to Raft

Ever since I was a little kid I dreamed of being a nurse overseas, but it was going to have to wait til I lost some weight and was in better shape. I also had a dream of losing all my extra weight by the time I was 15 so prom would be awesome and I can get married to a missionary by 18 and live happily ever after in the African bush. Well, as most of my goals, I got sidetracked. Last summer I finally saved enough money to get weight loss surgery in Mexico (I know .. Mexico? .. ). For a year I also started seeing a therapist to prepare mentally for the surgery, and thanks to Renee I realized I was pursing the wrong dream. I had already started doing things I loved. So instead of paying money to have my insides reworked, I decided to take on my life's longest dream.

Go to Africa.

While preparing for this trip, I probably gained about 15 pounds of anxiety. I knew that it wasn't going to be easy being a fat girl in Africa, if I had only know what I was going to endure I would've been too scared to go. Without going into full detail about my trip, I will say it was one of the hardest (and the best) trips of my life. Uganda was such a beautiful place, the kids are wonderful to play with, everyone is energetic and happy, unfortunately it was definitely not one of the countries where they treat fat people the same. There was a lot of pointing, screaming and laughing in my direction. My first day of working with the volunteer organization I was told to sit up in the front of the truck, even though everyone else was sitting in the bed of the truck. I can go on and on about things like this happening that slowly chipped at my self esteem. There is the good of course! We volunteered weekly at an orphanage and there was a chubby little girl name Gifty. When it came nap-time she was always on my lap with her head placed on my ... chest. Yeah, I was prime napping real estate.

Notice which kid is sleeping?

Some volunteer friends and I spent a few weeks in a big expensive adventure-town called Jinja. Everyone had been planning a day of rafting and I had planned to spend the day going on an RTV safari and reading. The day before the rafting trip, while eating breakfast, I saw a few people who were plus-sized and part of the rafting group for that day (They were doing the Grade 3 family trip). I had been in Africa for a month already and this was my first sighting! It quickly dawned on me that maybe rafting is something I can do! I started asking around, different guides told me it was totally possible so the night before 10pm I signed my name up!

My raft was full of wonderful friends, two random strangers  and our world champ rafting guide. The whole day of rafting 11 rapids, I only fell out once. The only time I felt like being fat caused a problem was when I had to get back into the raft. You're suppose to be able to pull yourself up with some handles or have one person assist you, but I usually had two people assist me. One Japanese guy tried to pull me back into the raft on his own and smothered me with my life jacket (I unintentionally punched him in the face)

Just in case you can't read lips I am screaming "We're going to die!!!"

I will remember this day as one of the best days of my life. The rafting trip lasted for hours and the awkward moments lasted seconds. I practically live to avoid awkward moments. I take longer routes to do anything, I am quiet when I have something to say, I don't try things because I fear any negative attention. I go through phases when I'm ready to really live my life for the awesome moments but again I  pass something up because someone might laugh. Africa was 7 months ago and I'm already gravitating towards my old mentality. That's where this blog come in. There are so many things I'm ready to give a chance,  and that includes documenting  the experiences, the good and the bad. God knows there's going to be plenty of both. 


  1. Dude! Bravo to you. I have been watching you on PLS for a while now. I adore you. And I am so glad you decided to start blogging!
    So first off, let me compliment you on the awesome background. I frickin love it!
    Secondly, I would love to hear more about your time in Africa. I thought that fat people were treated like royalty because being fat was a sign of wealth.? What is up with that?
    Third, I like the idea behind your blog. I am going to follow and maybe even do some of the things that you do. :)

  2. I watch your videos on youtube and have always found you such an inspiring person. I like you was always waiting to start my life when I lost the weight, I'll wear nice clothes when I lose weight, I'll start going out more when I lose weight, I'll work on my goals when I lose weight. Life is far too short to keep putting off living! I've started living life for me, it's a struggle every day and some days are definitely harder than others but at least now I'm living. Keep writing, you did really well and I look forward to reading more posts you make :)

  3. that's really nice, u go girl :)

  4. Gorgeous post! I can tell you that your feelings are not limited to being 'too fat' to do something. I fall into depressions easily and often and the feelings of not being good enough, or smart enough, or thin enough, or ... are poison. Still trying to figure out how to suck out the poison and live life. I can't wait to continue to read your journey on how you live yours without these dark thoughts :-)

  5. I wish there was a 'like'-button on this post or this entire blog.

    I've been subscribed to PLS since the beginning and I've adored you from the start. You seem like a truly wonderful person and I hope everything goes well for you.

    I'm gonna follow this blog :)


    PS: Please write more about Africa :D

  6. Your blog background is pretty & U R 2! I have been thin/chubby/thin/chubby/fat/very thin/chubby...fat: in that order. Just live your life & IGNORE (I KNOW: NOT easy!) those mean, ignorant, never-been-there-don't-get-it-people. DO care about your health; eat as healthy as you can & have some regular exercise, but accept where you end up on the scale when you do this, so as not to get an eating disorder. Accepting yourSELF is the 1st step to happiness! :o) Look forward to reading more! (p.s. I'll be 50 this yr!) ~"Sybil"

  7. What up C?

    You are my newest superhero! I love, love, love, that you are doing something not many people do- whether they are thin or chubby- and that is live their bliss. Moving out of your comfort zone takes cajones. I give you props for sharing with others your adventures.

    I have opted to do the surgery only locally (Portland) and I am only a couple of months away from my procedure. It is weird how things change as you change by going through the process, especially in the mentality department. You are an inspiration and remind me that I need to get outta my comfort zone more often. ~ Tasia ~

  8. I'm so excited to read this blog.... you're one of my absolute favorite people on youtube. I'm so glad to see you on here and to have "met" you via youtube... you're an inspiration to me...Africa and tubing! Awesome!
    <3 Laurenis

  9. Amazing blog girl and you are amazing too! I can vouch for your rafting bravery from being there too! We miss u. Stanya

  10. you are amazing for doing this blog. i've been watching project lifesize for a while now and ur videos there are great! i think everyone tries to avoid awkward situations and a lot of people dont say things they are thinking. i am one of those people too i dont say anything if someone laughs at me for being tall i just feel awkward and walk away. And its the worst when people stare. i just feel like theres sumthin wrong with me but then i realize i am me and i need to start accepting it cuz im stuck with that... i look forward to seeing more of your blog and videos on pls thanks for being such an amazing person=)

  11. Amazing! I want to go to Africa to! The little girl and you look so cute! I find you very inspirational! <333

    Check out my blog...

  12. your videos make me feel happy. im glad you went to Africa :) Glad you had fun! XOXO

  13. I love what you said about the rafting experience lasted for hours and the awkward moments only lasted for a few seconds. That is the truth of life in general. Those wonderfulness of a new experience and the confidence it gives you always, always outlasts and is worth those few awkward seconds. Thanks for the reminder


  14. I think you using the weight loss surgery money to go to Africa is not only fabulous but inspirational. I love that! I'm a plus-sized woman, and damnitt i'm beautiful and you are too! I refuse to allow anyone to stab my self esteem and deflate it. You shouldn't either. You're young and GORGEOUS! And that's all that matters. You are crazy funny, and I think you're great.

    Oh, and my response for 2 fat for that? Yeah, well. I'm gonna wear it anyway, feel good in it...and if they don't like it...feel free to cram your head back up your arse. LMAO Keep up the good work Crystal!